K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
