Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Randomize
