If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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