living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
