I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
