someone threw a dead crab at me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i came on her dog
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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