I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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