sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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