And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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