If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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