I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
found the other keg... it's in the tree
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
