So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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