matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
