so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
