Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
