I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
