You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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