you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
