Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
