If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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