So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
