I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Come on in and take your pants off
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize