oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
