I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
