Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize