I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
