im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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