i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
