There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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