I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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