Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
