He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
