There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
