I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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