Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
