We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
