On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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