Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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