like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
