Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
