I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
