I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
