i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Text me some of your sweat
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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