Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
