No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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