What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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