Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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