If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
