Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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