Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
