areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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