Umm I'm too high to move.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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