Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
