I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
