I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
