She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
