Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
