what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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