i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
