That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize