I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
