Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need water and some morals
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
