If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what day is it and did you see me today?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
