The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
