Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
